I Finally Mourned My Mother.
Dear Civsource team, I do hope you are well. I would like to thank you for the giving me a chance to attend the retreat. Before the retreat, I always felt that crying was a typical sign of weakness and that I had to be strong for my family. When I lost my mother, I didn't cry. I was hurt, broken, angry but I couldn't cry because I wanted to be strong for my brother and my father. Many times I would miss her and my whole being would just want to lock itself up and cry but I wouldn't let myself cry. I would tell myself that crying was for the weak minded and that, I, was a strong person. Additionally, I never spending on myself. Most of the time when I see something nice, I tell myself that the money could be spent on something better and besides, I don't deserve it.
Right now, I feel a certain level of peace. I have been very angry at my father for the past couple of years but now, I feel so calm
Attending the retreat made me allow myself to cry, to mourn my mother, to accept that it is okay to miss her. That it is okay to feel helpless at times. When we were gifted with the bitengye (kanga) at the end of the retreat, it literally killed me. I felt so loved, so appreciated. It spoke volumes to me. Thank you!
Right now, I feel a certain level of peace. I have been very angry at my father for the past couple of years but now, I feel so calm. I feel alive. I have always hated reading but now I want to read more books and broaden my knowledge. I want to discover myself. I want to do things that I have been scared of doing. I am so happy. I have never felt this alive before!
By Sheena Kemihegyeyo
